Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
