some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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