its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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