what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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