Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He has the fingertips of a God
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