So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
