i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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