Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
