So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
