It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
