The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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