Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
