I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
