dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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