She is in my trunk
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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