i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
