I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
