he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
