so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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