So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
