I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
