Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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