gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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