I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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