Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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