it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
