I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
