That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
