yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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