Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
