I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
