Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
