so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw a hot homeless man
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
