The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
