Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration