He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.