hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...