It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets