He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
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As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We are all done wearing pants today
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants