you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee