Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's always time for handjobs
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.