Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i now understand why vodka
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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