I didn't shave. On purpose
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!