i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
