I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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