At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
