dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
