I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
