You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
