plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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