Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
