What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize
