In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
