Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize