Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
