If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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