I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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