My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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