my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
