Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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