So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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