Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
