everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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