I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
