i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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