maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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