My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
