someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
