I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
