I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My ass is underappreciated
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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