There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
