If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
