I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
