Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
