New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
