No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
