worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
