I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize