This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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