saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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