You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize