I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
