yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Farmville is her only friend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
