Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
