it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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