So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
