Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
