Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
