Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
