we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
