four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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