I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My vagina just clenched in fear
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
