i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
