So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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