y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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