Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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