I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
