I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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