I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
