I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
